meet me or not, i'm out of control
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
