worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
