in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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