With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
