I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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