I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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