it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
