Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
