I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Michael Bay diarrhea
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
