Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
