i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
