why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
