Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
