is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
