She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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