yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
