I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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