i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
