She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
