Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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