wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
