It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
