Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
