It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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