I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
