I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
