never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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