so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
