we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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