Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
