My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
