to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
