I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
