A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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