you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
we're so committed to being not committed
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