someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
