I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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