my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
