So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
