I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
