So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
