I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
