i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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