And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
