i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
