So drunk its hurt
i barfeds in our rink
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
