i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
