Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Mom said you looked used
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
