At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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