Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
