so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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