is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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