sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Randomize
